Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. Fuck her. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. But something you might ask her about. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. We have an exciting and active sex life. Take a few more days. I turned around and stormed off to our room. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Nope, don't buy it. also drunk talk often means honest thoughts of a person. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. I didn't enforce it, I didn't like it and it made me feel similarly to you. The text of the post has been preserved below. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. I told her how emasculated and embarrassed I felt. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Your wife needs some new friends. This is not helpful but wow. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. They are what they are and they are very real. Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Seriously? I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. They were talking about ex-boyfriends and how another mutual friend of them cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend because he was better in bed. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Now's not the time to make decisions. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. My suggestion? She put you down at your own house. As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. Life is transient. Saying that it was simply too small. That's awful. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. Can you trust a person like that after all this? Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. She and her group of mean girls clearly cant accept that. Thats pretty telling. Neither is divorce. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? Or so that she wont identify you? Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. Hes outed now. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? She needs to understand that at least. I would suggest that you avoid any hasty decisions that would blow your life up until you take some time to process this on your timeline. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. You are NOT overreacting. Good luck and I do feel for you. How long has she been friends with them? This is what her and her friends did to you. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. That's a major issue in my eyes at least. I've been married for 21+ years. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. What she did was so horrible. Marriage counseling needed. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. To at least one person. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. You and your wife decided to marry each other. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! Divorce her. The second is more complicated: She does see bisexuality as "unmasculine" or an emasculating trait, however, you cant actively deny her feelings on the subject; theyre just her opinion on it. Sorry if this is all over the place. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. You must not lose faith in humanity. She outed you. I could never trust what to believe again. This right here. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. You can't keep things like that a secret forever. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Best of luck. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. No real worries there. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. I would want to know why, if it was me. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. Ugh. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. First of all, I don't trust your wife. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. I feel for you and wish you the best. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. I thanked him. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. 1. I'd be crushed if I heard my wife's friend's say something like that, and then she just hangs me out to dry instead of standing up for me. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Same. Forgive them anyway. Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 I think you should try to work this out. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. No. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. For years. If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. 1) Your wife was so freaked she let the fact that you're bi slip out two years ago yet continues to discuss it with them? Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. Personal details should remain private. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. "My. She has betrayed your trust. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk, and if she isn't she shouldn't be drinking. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. No, don't buy it. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. I told her she needed to answer everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. Best of luck. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. Everyone doesnt wAnt an asshole who Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? 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