But then I think of my brother, and my aging mother, who's taking care of both of them, and my confused old father, and I think, how can I not attempt it? To this day he can't say anything nice to me. Make sure you have a car at your disposal. 172 views | I don't know what started it but lately I've started feeling even worse about it. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. Things were doable for a few days. That is, when you say, "I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them," I would suggest that you do both -- just not at the same time! But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. She made me promise not to tell her father, my brother. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. Husband [39M] and I [29F] had a discussion about the My husband tested my sons paternity behind my back and Am I being paranoid or should I trust my gut? I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. But live with your mom. Mr. Dearface and I had a trip to the cabin planned with my parents. Child, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Am I Less Worthy Not Being From the Tribe of Ephraim? He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. Into music? In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. She could never relate to me or talk to me. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. But then, this last summer, two things happened that have made this finally unavoidable and undroppable. I have a block from my childhood as well I cant remember.! A strange and uncomfortable feeling around my dad and grandpa. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive to this or if there's some legitimate reason behind my feelings. I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. I have no memory of that -- no picture, anyway. Part of why you wrote what you wrote in your post is because you have to let it out. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. Kartoff Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I have tried things like deep breaths and telling myself that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but its not really helping. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. My [M17] teacher [F??] And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so.Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. What about sending a letter? First, to take care of yourself, you need control over your space and time. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. If they do, it is only online. But here, finally, is my problem. My mom was upset on the other hand though. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. Anonymous All rights reserved. I first had this feeling when I was around 20. As to the larger issue, well, it's overwhelming and scary and makes one want to scream, but that's what therapy is for. He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. Find out more about non-penetrative sex, and why it deserves more credit. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. Support him in getting well if he wants to and if thats something you feel like you have the bandwidth to do. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. It is good that you are no longer in the house. For the most part, what I've done over all these years is ignore it. We each just think its our own individual problem. luckily, he's changed since then. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. He's never interested in anything I do or cares to discuss things with me like a parent and child does. Recently I have been feeling really uncomfortable around my grandpa. So that rage wasn't born in that moment, I'm thinking. The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. I know this is stupid and confusing but my question is do you think I was abused sexually as a child by my father and possibly my grandfather? How old are you? com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner's phone, and he far exceeded my expectations. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. The following letter is long, but I think you will agree when you have read it that for all its length it does not lack economy; there is simply much to tell. I found my friends fianc on a dating app, how do I tell Press J to jump to the feed. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . Why do I feel uncomfortable around older guys? It just means that some things have come up right now that you have to deal with. I don't talk to him on the phone either. jessb86a I've lost everyone. Nobody has the right to touch you when you dont want them to. But my dad didn't care. So any advice to someone who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable around? Im the same. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. You dont have to have reasons for your boundaries. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. I just learned recently both my nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were little. Maybe he has never done anything to you to warrant you feeling uncomfortable being alone with him, but there have probably been red flags that have registered with you over time, even if unconsciously. I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. But it was let-go-able.) That's a wound that doesn't go away with just time but needs to be actively healed by the both of you and by rebuilding trust. Is there even a name for this? Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. Sigh.. And I'd be on to other things -- with bells on, let me tell you. My mom pulled me aside and questioned me further, and I said I found something on my computer that I didn't like. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. There's probably very little that you feel or experience that your dad hasn't been through already. Ad Choices, "Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Read More >. With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. Exgirlfriend now saying that my penis is not big? I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. Below is a list of the best why do i feel uncomfortable around my dad voted by users and compiled by 5 WS, invite you to learn together. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. toughlove1993 It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. Do not copy or redistribute in any form! Unwise!! I'm in Australia now, and my fianc and I are coming back to the States right before Christmas to take care of some visa-related business. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. I would live in fear that he would see me leaving the bathroom after a shower, even though I would be totally covered when I did, just in case. Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond.
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